Every New Beginning Comes From Some Other Beginning's End

It's been 28 days, actually 29, but who's counting? So, this could be the end or it could be the beginning. I've decided I want it to be the beginning.
First, I need to evaluate if and how my life is different; worse or better. So, here goes: 1st-I still can't fall asleep at night; 2nd-I know I have more energy than I've had in at least four years; 3rd-I'm running, something I thought I wouldn't do again; 4th-Bouts of severe hopelessness have decreased at least 50%; 5th-I'm feeling a little better about having a photo taken; 6th-I stuck to a goal; 7th-I'm still alive despite the lack of milk products and meat; 8th-I've discovered water again; 9th-My clothes are getting loose; and 10th-I pulled out two pairs of pants from my plastic containers under the stairs and..............(dramatic pause).............they fit!
So, it won't hurt my feelings if any body that happened upon this blog and read it, stops. I think, at least for a little while, I'll continue to record my thoughts, successes, failures and whatever nonsensical ramblings enter my brain. That way I can look back and reread my history with the hopes that I'll avoid making the same mistakes as in the past.
Thanks Rachel!

DAY 29

Why does everything lead to food? Family visiting=food; Tired=food; Celebration=food; Bored=food; Sad=food; Lonely=food. Today has been horrible because I have just wanted to shove everything edible in my face.
My oldest daughter Erin is in town visiting so we all went to lunch. Everybody, including my six-foot son was complaining about how full they were after a half a sandwich. Never would I have said out loud that I ate my half in a jiffy and was ready for more. Why Me?
Later the girls went shopping. We talked Erin into getting a new outfit for her 15-year reunion so we hit a Ross store. As we were searching through the size 8 outfits I was thinking how fabulous it would feel to be able to look through the 'normal ladies' sizes. But mingled with that thought is the other thought creeping in my brain wondering if we are going to go out later for pizza.
Oh yeh, the shoes don't have much to do with my rantings except that, in my opinion, they look much better on thin people and I like the pictures. Guess I'll go eat an apple.

Holy Mother Sandwich

 Today we went to lunch with family. I really wanted to go to Kneaders (it's my FAVORITE sandwich place in UT, I LOVE the hazelnut bread) but Nic wanted to go somewhere closer to his work. We ended up going to The Grove. I love small, quaint, little delis. This one was PACKED to capacity!! My heavens it took us about 20 minutes just to order.. Was it worth it?? I am going to go with YES, mostly because I think they put a whole avocado on my sandwich (and avocado is like the chocolate of the vegetable world... Yes that makes sense in my mind..). Anyway, I LOVED that avocado... I can't stop thinking about it. The bread wasn't my favorite mostly because I was getting 1/2 lb of bread in my mouth with every bite. But dang, look at that sandwich, he is HUGE ----------------------->
Is anyone opposed to a giant sandwich???

Devin's sandwich attempted to put every animal known to man on it. He made sure we all knew that he was a "meativore"

 Guess what, his wittle belly couldn't handle all the meats, and he had to give up! I finished my half, because I am a true champion!

Cecret Lake

I have the best job ever. I get to work with the young people! I absolutely love them!

Tonight we went on a hike supposedly to Cecret Lake. However, our plans were foiled as the road was closed. So, what did we do you ask? Turn back? NEVER! We pretended we were mountain goats and hiked up a random mountain. Well, not random I guess, since we knew where we were, but it was not a 'people trail'. I offered to yodel but was asked not to---politely of course.
I love hiking even though I find myself glistening a lot. (Real women don't sweat)
The kids were such good sports and always encouraging to some of us old people.
I'm grateful for a body that can get me around to enjoy the beauty of God's creations. My hope is to be more mindful of the gift I've been given, to treat it with respect and to climb lots of mountains....physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual.

RuNnInG

OK I know I LOVE love love to cycle, but I also Love LOVE love running! Before you judge me and think "Ew I hate you" (because that's what I use to think about people who "loved" to run) hear me out.. I NEVER EVER in my life thought that I could run. In High school my gym teacher told me I had to run a mile, I was literally gasping for air within the first 30 seconds (gasping dramatically of course). I NEVER ran intentionally and when I did run it was for about 5 seconds, to catch the ice cream truck. Then a couple years ago, as I was about to graduate from college, I decided that I wanted to run a marathon someday. That's a PRETTY big goal considering I had never run a 5K!! 

I still remember leaving my mom's house (getting ready for my epic run), walking a block, and then running for about a minute before I had to catch my breath.. It was HARD work, running is probably the hardest work you will ever do. It is so hard to keep going when you're thinking to yourself "Hey I don't have to do this! This is self inflicted torture, just STOP"! But hard work always pays off. Pretty soon I could run a 5K like it was nothing. 3 miles is a short run for me now.

I haven't yet run my marathon, but I can't wait to. There is no greater feeling than going out for a 10 mile run, and feeling GOOD after you finish. I never in a million years thought I would "like" running, let alone "miss" running. Running was always "Blah I have to run today" and "If I stop here no one will know I didn't finish." Now when I haven't run for a while, I get the "itch", I see people running and want to jump out of car to join them. I don't know what happened to me, but I absolutely LOVE running, and I hope that never changes. If I can do run, so can you. Trust me, I am the biggest wussy baby on Earth.

ENERGY

Today while Rachel was cycling I was walking/running. I just perused the website given by my daughter as I didn't know what anaerobic was. I ran three different times for five minutes and now know I was building musccle. Yeh me, yeh muscle!
After dinner Rachel suggested a walk...which I wasn't thrilled about because I thought I was super tired. Low-and-behold after finishing our walk I mowed my lawn, pulled weeds and weed wacked.
My energy level has definitely increased. I am thrilled, thrilled, and more thrilled about that!

Cycle

I LOVE love LOVE love LoVe cycle class.. If you think you can't do it, you're wrong. It is SO painful and hard the first few times, but after that it becomes an addiction. It is one of the BEST workouts you can get at the gym... I am always dripping with sweat during the entire class. Plus it makes you want to get out there and ride the road! I tend to push myself more in cycle class because of the instructor and group environment. I go anaerobic several times (if you don't know what that means, click here Anaerobic) during the hour, and who doesn't want that? Here are some more benefits of indoor cycling http://www.fitmoves.com/indoorcycling/benefits-of-spinning.htm

Only Five Days Left

It's been said, "Time flies when you're having fun." Well what about time if you've had to swear off your favorite foods, i.e. cheese, milk, BUTTER, beef, pork, chicken, and did I mention BUTTER?
YARG!
My favorite pizza, (vegetarian with a cream sauce) was served at a party; my friend ordered a Bacon, Lettuce, Tomato sandwich, (another fav); waxy chocolate-covered-donuts were being consumed in front of me; and to top it all off my good friend enjoyed not one but two chocolate fudge milkshakes. Of course it's hard to resist, especially when Rachel is not around and I'm being told to go ahead and taste because they won't tattle on me. (And a little sample won't hurt anything)
However, I honestly can't remember the last time I set a goal and actually stuck to it. 25 days have past and I've not cheated, not even once. Realizing that we all have the power within us to accomplish any feat---great or small---can be extremely empowering.
I think I'm going to be o.k.

Green.. Not so Goodness

I have been wanting to try a green smoothie for quite some time... Then I watched Fat Sick and Nearly Dead, and I knew the time for green was now!! I bought the kale, green apples, cucumber, lemon, and ginger. Then waited for the day to come when I could juice it up... Well today was that day.. and I don't really know what to say.. Or think... So I'll let the video do the talking

I tried to mask the overwhelming lemon flavor with a banana (which didn't really juice), and some more kale... It didn't do much to improve the taste

So if anyone knows how to make a green smoothie that is actually edible.. I would love to know how!

Farmers Market

I think I could live at the farmers market.. There are too many sights, sounds, tastes, and smells. Not to mention all the super crafty people, who create the most AMAZINGLY fun stuff you-never-knew-you-needed, until-you-saw-it-and-then-knew-you-needed-it! I was overly stimulated.. I wanted to taste everything, see everything, and buy everything.. Some highlights were:
-The Sudanese food, really, it's the BEST food you will have at the farmers market!
-Cherry jam! So fresh and yummy
-Cucumber herb hummus, I have yet to meet a hummus I didn't love
-Mint lemonade another MUST at the market
-Lemon spinach, who knew this even existed!! It was amazing... Yes I love food

It was a great day to walk around, sampling, laughing, and people watching.

These ladies know how to sample!! 

 Loved this piano, especially the fact that it was being pulled around the city by a bike!

 Indian curry and salad

 My 2 mommys

 Always gotta have a creepy clown hanging around

ANOTHER BEST DAY EVER

How many best day evers are we allowed? Some of "The Girls" drove up to East Canyon for swimming, floating and picnicing. SOOOOO much fun! We blew up Zandy's Relaxation Station and floated around for awhile, then Ray, Zandy and I decided to try out some lake swimming. The water was fabulous.
Two things I rerealized (that means I already knew, but forgot): Nobody else is worrying about how I look in a swim suit and life can be fun!

Babysitting

I thought I was going to spend the whole summer babysitting my mom... Watching her every move! Making sure she didn't stick some butter in her face, counting her diet cokes, throwing away all her food storage fruit snacks. But... I haven't really had to do any of that. She's pretty dern committed to being healthy on her own.. I even let her leave the house tonight WITH OUT my supervision! I know.. I know.. What is the world coming to.. How can a food addict resist food (partially speaking about myself..).. It's a miracle. It was fun to run next to my mom at the gym... I am very proud of her, and I can't wait for our 5K (yes, we're putting on a 5K) so she can run the whole way!

p.s. she is learning new skills too. Check it out

Miles to Go Before We Sleep

Today, I got on the treadmill and all-of-a-sudden my legs decided they wanted to run. Let me just say, it totally caught me off guard, but being the person pleaser that I am I thought, "What the heck, go for it."
So, my legs and I ran for one minute, then two, then three and then suddenly it was a half-mile. Yeah LEGS! Yes, we were tired but our heart rate went down quickly and before I knew it they were running again. They were able to complete another half-mile!
What's the moral of this story? Well, if a 50ish out-of-shape, overweight, prisoner to food can do it then ANYONE can.
PS I think I might be up for parole soon.

Blue Plate Diner, and lunges

UGH this blog is ALL about food... But food is SO good... But before I talk about the food I'll talk about exercising a little... Just because it's still happening. We went to Body Pump this morning, and it was INTENSE. We did lunges, squats, biceps, triceps, shoulders, back, booty, thighs, abs, more lunges, more squats... My whole body was shaking afterwards...

After working out we got to go to lunch with a good friend.. We tried out the Blue Plate Diner in Sugarhouse.. I, of course, had the hummus (I am a hummus addict). It was pretty tasty delicious. My mom had the Vegan burger.. I like food...

DAY 20

Snicker Doodles and Chocolate Chip cookies were offered tonight. Yep, I'd be lying if I didn't say I lusted after them. But, I'm stronger. Some of the old fight is beginning to rise to the surface.
Today, at the gym weight lifting class (can't remember what it's really called) I realized that even though I still can't do the lunges and obviously my form is lacking, I was able to bend my knees more than in the past.

Grog's

We are visiting family in Price, Utah which of course means a trip to one of our favorite lunchtime places.
We've been eating at Grog's for probably 12 years now and never been disappointed. Since Rach and I are still herbivores she ordered a veggie sandwich on foccacia and I had a veggie burger. Tasty, tasty!
Our Price family seemed to wonder if Rach was captured and brainwashed by some save-the-planet hippies until they sampled her chocolate cupcakes.

Food Glorious Food

Today Rach and I went to the Farmer's Market held at Pioneer Park. Oh baby was it hot! Lots of marvelous items to see and purchase.
Our first procured delight was a fresh strawberry/banana mini pie. It was heavenly, to say the least. However, much to my chagrin and surprise I was satisfied after a few bites. Who knew I could be happy without shoving a whole dessert into my face.
Next, after perusing all the food booths we settled on Sudanese food. We had a Spinach with couscous and Lentils with rice dish. First experience with this type of food, but it won't be my last.
I feel like my taste buds have begun a delectable, delicious, nondairy, don't have to live off of animals drive.....and I'm packed and ready to head out!

SwImMiNg

Water cameras are So much fun! My mom is a professional swimmer, she can just go and go and go, she makes it look so easy and seamless.. Then there's me who couldn't even swim a year ago... One day I want to glide through the water like my mom!

Protein..

Today at the gym I saw the CUTEST little bottle of protein.. He was so cute! Why are little things so cute! There is something wrong with me... Anyway I remember when I first stopped eating meat and everyone told  me "You're going to die." Well, I'm still alive and I have never been healthier. I don't think people really know how much protein they really need... Our society seems to think that if we're not eating beef, chicken, and pork for every meal that we will be "unhealthy" and weak. Unfortunately (or fortunately, if you're like me and never really liked meat all too much) the opposite is true, if we're consuming animal products for every meal we will have a higher risk of cancer, heart disease, diabetes, high blood pressure, stroke, high cholesterol, etc.. The research has been done.. Check it out

http://www.nutrientrich.com/nutrition-facts-from-the-china-study/the-china-study-findings-on-protein

This is just some crazy hippy =) but still good information!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ae-dlHOmwk4 

Learning to Run Again

So, my life coach says I can do anything I put my mind to. Well, she has it in HER mind that I can run. (She's so funny)
We've been working out in the morning and then our evenings are spent going to Alex's soccer games, working in the yard or walking around the neighborhood. To make a short story longer....we walked again tonight. At the top of the street she said, "Run!" And just like the obedient, follow-the-rules person I am I did.
Perhaps it was ever-so-slightly easier than the last time.

Kneaders

Has the BEST sandwiches, even if there's no cheese or secret mayo sauce... I am SO in love with their bread!

My mom is SO in love with their pickles!

The gym has been GREAT! My bum has never been so sore! Cycling class killed us both yesterday, and then we had a nice swim in the pool (and dip in the hot tub for me!)

Mom says she feels better already, there is nothing better than a hard, sweat inducing workout to start out the day right!

Someone Has To

Rach is too tired to post, plus she said she didn't have anything to say. Well, I certainly do.....my legs and feet were sore this morning, but we went to the gym anyway. I moved slow but I still walked three miles.
After dinner we went for a mile walk. Rach told me to run from the top of the street home. Again, I was slow but I did it.
After all that exercise we spent another hour working in the yard.
No mammoth mountains were traversed, but as a wise man once said, "By small and simple means are great things brought to pass."
Love you, Rachie!

A Hiking We Will Go

Finally, Finally we made it to the mountains (after being here for 2 full days!)! What a perfect Sunday to go for a nice casual stroll through the Rockies! 

We didn't make it all the way to Red Pine Lake, but we're so going to conquer this hike before the end of the month! It was so beautiful! It was so nice to be out in nature.. Even if we were getting bit by mosquitoes!

My mom was faced with cheesecake and brownie temptations today and she resisted... I might have to make her a vegan cheesecake to prove that she can still indulge in her favorite desserts

I Think I Can

Thought I was too tired to get up for church, but glad I did. A member gave an excellent talk about the founding of our nation. Makes me grateful.
We drove up Little Cottonwood Canyon and found a superb hiking area. Such lovely weather and incredible scenery. Words are insufficient to describe God's creations.
Hiking was still a workout, although I felt like I moved a little less awkwardly and I wasn't gasping for air two minutes after starting up the trail. Little improvements should be celebrated.
No great food to write about today. Ahhhh well, maybe food shouldn't be my only muse. We did, however, reminisce about all the fabulous restaurants we visted in California. I told Ray that I wanted to try and recreate the Uno Pizza and she countered with a solid, "That's impossible."
So sad, it was delicious.

Is It Bedtime Yet?

I don't know why I have felt so completely, and utterly exhausted all day.
Yeah for my mom for going to do service.. While I was home sleeping!

Once I finally got up and started moving, we went out in the world and the weather was CRAZY!

First it was raining SO hard

Then it started hailing!

Then it was SO hot out! So hot it's barely bearable to be outside! I don't know how my mom worked outside this morning, she is amazing.

It's a little difficult making vegan food when I'm not in my kitchen and I don't have all the ingredients that I am use to having! After looking for something to make I realized that all my bananas were ripe so I of course made...

Giant Banana Muffins..

 I wasn't planning on eating this whole thing...

 But it was so yummy and fresh out of the oven...

I couldn't resist!

Saturday is a Special Day

This morning was spent proffering yard service to several widows in our neighborhood. Before anyone gets the impression that I am a highly selfless person let me explain that it was organized by the youth leaders from my church. The youth were silly, fun and hardworking and it turned out to be a jolly time.
Came home and wanted to pass out on the couch.
Rach made banana cupcakes and I made my own warped version of peanut lo mein. Pretty dang tasty if I do say so myself.

Panda Wisdom

Yesterday my mom and I saw Kung Fu Panda 2..

An old goat lady in the movie said "You might not have had a happy beginning, but you can choose your story, you can choose who you want to be." OK I may have butchered that quote, but I really liked it. It doesn't matter what happened to you in the past. Choices you made, or choices others made. What matters is what you do now. Who you choose to be today. You always have a choice.
I like Pandas, Kung Fu, and bamboo..

Finally some pics!

My computer crashed and I had to wipe the entire hard drive... But the ordeal is over and now I have pics of yummy food (because that's what we need to see more of, food!).

Spaghetti squash "pasta" with marinara sauce. I had never tried this before, but I am now addicted.. It was SO good!!! Adding a little crunch and flavor.. I don't know if I will ever cook regular pasta again!! High fiber content, low in calories, and delicious.. I am so in love with this squash! If you like to read about your food (like I do) check out his profile, Spaghetti Squash

We also had some bruschetta with tomato, garlic, onion, salt, and balsamic. No dinner would be complete with out vegan smores for dessert... I like how the smore looks dark and mysterious in his picture... I love dark chocolate.. Let's read about it! Delicious Dark Chocolate

I may have just eaten a piece of dark chocolate..

Wow

Captain's Log: Stardate 7/8/2011,#3. Still alive and for the first night as I'm getting ready for bed my stomach isn't growling.
Is it because I've had too much to eat today? I'm not very good at judging my food intake.
Today was filled with lots of vegetables complimented by a few chips and salsa and a couple pieces of bruschetta bread. Rachel fired up the grill and roasted a couple marshmellows so we could have nondairy smores for dessert. Yum!

There is nothing like...

Hearing my mom groan in agony when I wake her up at 7:40 am to go work out...

It's not THAT early! Maybe I'll wake her up at 5:40 am tomorrow, just to have a little fun!

I Know Now

Yep...I'm always hungry! Food is my only friend! Rach is mean! She chastized me in Subway for wanting Baked Lay's Chips. She said I was going to have to become accustomed to eating a sandwich without chips---is that even possible?
On a semi-happier note, I've lost 28 pounds and I am now able to walk up and down stairs without major knee pain and packing a lunch (because it took me so long).
One more little note of interest. Rach is eating grahm crackers and almond milk, whilst I munch a vegetable salad with balsamic dressing. When I questioned her food choice she yelled and said, "I'm tired and nobody's perfect; this is just a moment of weakness!"
Well, o.k. then.

Travel Time

Blah... Sitting in the car for 11 hrs is so painful! We somehow managed to make it to UT without stuffing our faces with too much crap. What is it about doing nothing that makes us want to eat???? I kept thinking "I'm bored, I should eat." We had to sing along to Wicked to keep the food from getting into our mouths...

Thank goodness for Subway... They are a traveling vegan's best friend!

So hot right now..

I am so excited to get to the gym tomorrow morning for step class and swimming... Juds is going to work out for 2 hrs (she doesn't know this yet!).

New Pyramid!!

I like colorful charts... Especially ones that look like plates!!

http://www.choosemyplate.gov/

They have some good advice:

"Enjoy your food, but eat less"
"Drink water instead of sugary drinks"

Here is where they break it down for us to better understand their pretty plate

http://www.choosemyplate.gov/foodgroups/index.html

This is confusing, "Vary your veggies"??? It should say "Eat as many veggies as one could possibly consume in a 12 hr period!" 

The picture of calcium rich foods should also include some vegetables... There are plenty of other calcium sources aside from dairy. Here is a very compiled list. http://soystache.com/calcium.htm

Gosh I'm Out-of-Shape!

It's discouraging to be in a gym full of healthy, energetic, perky people. My first thought was, "Did I ever look, feel or act that way?" My next thought was, "I wish my body could do what my brain wants it to." My final thought before I lapsed into a sweaty coma was, "Everything hurts!"
I watched my daughter move with grace and ease and was so impressed, proud and jealous of her abilities....could that ever be me? Right now, I'm going to say no.
I've birthed seven kids, worked a 40-plus hour work week for as long as I can remember and lived my life with the belief that everyone and everything else is more important than anything I could possibly desire. It sounds strange to write this, but part of my thought process has been and still is that if there is something out there that could make me happy or feel better then I don't deserve it.
Feeling crappy is what I've grown accustomed to, so I'm not sure I can function any other way. I'm scared! Scared of being happy and the resulting consequences. Scared that maybe there is more to life than just existing; trying to just survive one more day. I've always been told that 'man is that he might have joy'. Does that apply to me too? I guess we'll see.
How lucky am I that my daughter loves me enough to want to help me. I don't want to disappoint her or myself, but yes, I'm afraid I will.

D-Day

The D stands for Delicious... Day

We started the day off with a nice workout at the gym, I did Pilates and my mom worked out on the treadmill and elliptical for an hour, even running for 6 minutes! Pretty darn good for a first day! 

After that I made some roasted garlic, tomato, bean soup. Strange since it was a hot day, but this soup is so yummy it can be eaten (and is eaten) whenever the mood strikes. Mom loved it, which made me happy! Yeah for still being able to enjoy yummy food!

Dinner turned into girls' night out when my friend Anne joined us at the Green Cafe. My mom is quite entertaining, telling Anne how much I was torturing her! She kept saying "she made me do this!" That's right, I did! And I plan on making her do a lot more (hope you're reading mom!). Luckily the food was SO good! We, of course, ended up ordering 2 desserts (I'm a dessert freak!). Both were divine...

D-Day also stands for Divine Desserts..